Lance Armstrong Is The Victim Of A Conspiracy!!!

Lance Armstrong was to go down in history as the greatest athlete in the history of humanity. If he were born in another age, we'd learn about the demigod he would no doubt have been come to be recognised as. Instead, in our cynical sensationalistic time, driven by a corrupt media and the insatiable desire to destroy all that is good, his name has been driven through the mud.

I didn't see his "confession" on Oprah (obviously you use Oprah because she's not going to ask the tough questions), but I'm sure it wasn't really him. It's obviously a stunt double, and you can tell it's not him because he looks nothing like the real Lance. This is an actor who people see as Lance because they want to see him as Lance. There's some serious schadenfreude going on, stemming from the jealously that they are all too fat, ugly, and stupid to even know how to ride a bike.

And it's that jealousy that has driven those absurd accusations against him. All those other riders, the dopers who couldn't touch Lance even when cheating themselves, have to make up stories about the one clean rider who embarrassed those cheaters time and time again. Are we really meant to take the word of cheating cheats who lied about cheating? They are self-confessed liars and cheaters! Hence their word is worthless.

Since there is no real evidence against Lance, this witch-hunt is wrong. To strip away the greatness from the greatest sportsman in history is the greatest injustice our society has ever done! Lance Armstrong passed all his drug tests - FACT. Lance Armstrong was never caught using or with drugs - FACT. Everyone testifying against him is a self-confessed liar or being threatened by the US Government - FACT. The only FACT we can take away from this is the FACT that the facts don't add up.

The media even admits it themselves. In trying to account for the overwhelming absurdity of their own conspiracy, they admit that this would have to be the most elaborate doping conspiracy in the history of sport. Absurd!!! Might as well allege that Lance was bribing other racers too. Hah! What does the media take us for?

We shouldn't stand for this! Those of us who care about the Truth should stand up for Lance Armstrong. His only crime was being the best, and those who hate that fact have ruined his reputation. They may take away his records, they may take away his Olympic bronze medal, they may his prize-money, but they can NEVER take away his TRUE greatness.

Brainstorming Session At Bethesda

"Look what we've done with the Fallout franchise. We've turned an existing franchise into millions of sales. Can we do that again?"
"If we're taking franchises that were big in the late 90s, I wonder if there's a way we can reboot the Thief franchise?"
"Eidos still owns the intellectual property rights to that game."
"Besides, rumour has it that they are working on a new game."
"Still, I really think we could have a go of doing a Thief game well. What if we took the general idea of Thief and changed a few of the mechanics?"
"Like what?"
"Well, instead of slowly sneaking up on people and clobbering them over the head, how about we sneak up on people to stab them?"
"That's a start, but it doesn't sound like enough."
"We could change the focus away from stealing. Stealing would be there, but it wouldn't matter as much."
"So what would the goal be?"
"Remember in Oblivion where we assassinated the Emperor at the beginning? Imagine if the Emperor's guards were in on it and could frame the protagonist."
"And from there, the protagonist seeks revenge... I like it. What else?"
"What if, too, we take away the punishment for not being stealth? We make it so stealth can be there for those gamers who crave stealth, but also allow gamers to play it like an FPS."
"But won't that discourage people from using stealth? Why make a stealth mechanic if it's only optional?"
"I know, we'll reward players who use stealth with a different ending - a good ending. And punish players who just kill everyone by giving them a bad ending."
"That sounds a little like Bioshock."
"Bioshock also did cool magic powers, perhaps we can use them too."
"Oh, and we should include zombies because they're the in-thing right now."
"Yes, this is sounding more and more like a game. Let's get on this quick before Thief 4 comes out."

Perhaps Bethesda weren't going out on a limb conceptually, but what's not to love about a game that combines Thief, Bioshock, and the Elder Scrolls franchise?

Naturalism, Defeated?

[a short dialogue exploring a naturalist's "dogmatic" denial of the supernatural]


I'm a detective working a major murder case. As far as cases go, this case is as open-and-shut as it could get. The physical evidence is overwhelming, the scene of the crime is littered with forensic evidence that all points to one suspect. The victim's blood is on his clothes and in his car, the murder weapon was own by him and residue from firing the gun was found on the suspects hand. The suspect had been seen in the area by many witnesses, entering the premises before the gunshots were heard and left afterwards. The answering machine of the victim had shown that the suspect had left a number of threatening messages including detailing how the victim was to be killed that matched the crime scene.

At trial, I was brought in to testify. I detailed the evidence above, talked about the evidence and how it was obtained. I argued about how it all pointed to the one subject, the quality and amount of evidence was so overwhelming that beyond all reasonable doubt the defendant was the killer. Then the defence lawyer cross-examined me.

"Are you an atheist?" he asked.
"I don't see the relevance of that." I responded.
"It's important in your assessment of the evidence. Are you an atheist?"
"I am."
"So is it fair to say that in your world-view you only consider natural causes?"
"That's a fair assessment."
"Do you consider only natural causes in your line of work?"
"They're the only causes I can consider."
"What you're saying is that when making the case against my client, you didn't consider the supernatural?"
"I did not."
"So how can you say it was my client, when you won't consider that this was a supernatural event?"
"The evidence against your client is overwhelming, as I demonstrated before."
"You did nothing of the sort, you presented no evidence against my client."
"I presented many different lines of evidence that all showed the same account."
"What you presented relied on your philosophical world-view."
"It doesn't matter what I believe, the suspect had the victim's blood on his clothing. The DNA matched."
"But did you consider that DNA analysis matched because demons interfered with the equipment?"
"I did not."
"And did you consider that the witnesses who place my client at the scene were in-fact under demonic possession?"
"I did not."
"And what about the voice analysis on the answering machine?"
"That was done in collaboration with the phone company and using the latest pattern recognition software that showed the harmonic frequencies on the tape matched the suspect, and the call was made from his phone."
"Again you're only considering natural causes. How do you know that wasn't Satan on the tape, and that Satan didn't modify the computer system to show my clients records?"
"I can't know that."
"Precisely. And when you say that the suspects gun was the murder weapon, did you think about God creating the gun ex nihilo to match what your forensics said?"
"I did not consider that."
"In other words, you have no evidence against my client."
"I have plenty of evidence."
"As we've established, it's only evidence when interpreted within your philosophical world-view. You have no case against my client, only your religious fervour to remain an atheist."

At that point I got up from the witness stand and punched the lawyer.
"You assaulted me!"
"No I didn't."
"I saw you punch me."
"That's a powerful demon tricking you."
"Other people saw you punch me."
"That's the powerful demon tricking them too."
"I have bruising on my face."
"That's just angels having a party."
"My blood is on your hand."
"That's not your blood, as my DNA analysis machine will show - if it comes back as your blood it just means a demon is messing with the results."
"But you're an atheist, you don't believe in any of that."
"And evidentially, when it suits you, neither do you."

QFT

"When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children?" - Bill Hicks

Webcomics For The Programmer

http://slashweb.org/programming/25-best-programmer-webcomic-strips.html

Some of these are just hilarious - at least from a programmer's perspective.

If Carl Sagan Were A Christian Apologist

This is done really well. Cheers to Ed Brayton for linking to this.

Science Is The Dumbest Religion!

It Seemed So Plausible

Storm by Tim Minchin

A hilarious piece of scepticism put forth in a witty, clever monologue.

God Defies Gravity?

A bit of a laugh on a friday night

Christianity in a nutshell